Day 4 - Lakewood, Washington

Emma Leigh from TCM was my first shoot. I had been following her for about a year, I'm not sure why. I started communicating with her way before I even had plans to go here, when the time came I reached out to her again, I was forwarded to her agent. I message the agent and I don't hear back for about a week. I message Emma again asking if she knew the status, her response is my favorite response to get from agents that don't like my work, "let's just do it". Apparently they haven't trying to get her work, I told her, if they are breaking the contract, well - there's no contract to abide by anymore. 

After our 9 AM shoot, I spent the next 4 hours wandering around Seattle, it was cloudy, slow and I didn't hear a confirmation for my 5 PM shoot. The dice is always being rolled when it comes to models following through. Everything I do is trade, therefore, if they want to walk away from a shoot, there's nothing stopping them. I knew I was risking the next 5 hours being wasted, but there's always a small rope in my heart telling me to hold on, it might work out. I have been going to the Dollar Tree a lot lately, since trying to avoid sugar, like soda, I buy these huge water bottles and eat candy so I have a little to keep my brain from freaking out. Isn't it insane how addicting sugar and caffeine is? I understand my body better now that I feel it. I power napped in the parking lot and lived among the homeless people, they are invading Portland and Seattle at an impeccable rate. It was a humbling experience. I wonder how hard it is to really become homeless. That means your entire family, group of friends, the church and state has to disown you. How does that happen? I suppose addiction and mental illness. We all have a little of that don't we?

I saw a sign that said "Your destiny is bigger than your comfort", so I stopped being tired.

I found myself at Discovery Park to help pass the time. I brought my camera backpack, got a map and began my walk to the lighthouse. This was an old military base, it reminded me of The Twilight Zone, there was an old church with white flowers, a peculiar signaling tower and a the location persuaded me to believe I was a person who was stationed there, away from home. I hiked about 4 miles and loaded my Leica with Rollei 80s black and white film and shot landscapes. I have always wondered what "clear my head" meant, by the time I back it back to my car, I did not think. It made sense. In the graveyard I saw an grave marked "Unknown", it bothered me.